No Means No.. Not Maybe

OK, look.  We all have these grandiose images of how we were as teenagers - like, I believe that I actually respected no.  Now before my mother laughs so hard that the earth shakes and swallows me whole, let me admit that this is not true.


I always believed that the reason I didn't listen was because my mother never told me her reasons for deciding things.  Not that I had to believe, nor was I owed a real explanation, but at least if she bothered to explain, I might have been able to climb inside her rationale.  So when I became an adult, I decided that being able to explain the rationale behind my decisions was paramount.  So much so that when I became a manager, I actually wrote it on my performance reviews "explains the rationale behind all decisions".  It was huge for me.


So when I became a stepparent, I thought, that's what I will do.  I'll explain the rationale behind my decisions.   Well, let me tell you.  Raising someone else's kids is hard work.  No.  It's really effing hard work.  Because all the things you wanted to start out doing weren't done- like saying NO and meaning it.  Like setting boundaries about who were the parents and who were the kids, and who had decision making power (umm.. the one with the paycheck WINS). Now, ok, so maybe all your ideas weren't right, and maybe they wouldn't have worked, but it sure would have been nice to try.


So here is my rant.


NO MEANS NO.  It doesn't mean try harder.  It doesn't mean I might be convinced later.  It certainly doesn't mean "oh please child, debate and argue with what I said".  And when you say can I do XYZ, and I say "no, because I let you do that today, and even though I asked you to be quiet or go outside with your loudness, you didn't".   To me, this is explaining myself.  Maybe not, who the hell knows.


So what do I expect?  I expect a teenager to say "oh, ok Amy that makes sense".  Apparently, I've left my mind somewhere on a side street because you all are now laughing saying "oh ya, a logical teenager, sure, that happens".  But goddamn it.  NO MEANS NO.


I think I am finally starting to understand where the phrase "because I said so" really came from.  It came from parents like me who got tired of trying to treat their kids like people who actually would listen, and figured "well, it doesn't matter, they don't care what I explain, it only creates a debate".


So why?  BECAUSE I SAID NO!